Hello, old friend

It's been a while, a long while if I'm counting correctly. Over a year has passed and everything is different, yet everything's the same. There's a feeling I get every year around this time, it's a feeling of home. This feeling that everything that was should be, and everything that is once was. Not everyone is blessed with a great childhood, and I by no means had it perfect, but there were times, so many times that things just felt right. As we grow, our minds are compiling all this information, figuring out where to put it, and then hoping we can move on with everything that's happened. Sometimes we block a few things out, and other times we try so hard to hang on to it, like the sliding dew on a morning windshield. The truth is we just aren't built to remember everything, but if we can make our now as good as the then, it just might be possible to feel those moments, those small and brief fragments in time, that bring us closer to something that could be called peace. Fall always brings this to mind.

I'm far from what I call home. Home is where you feel excited to wake up, glad to be moving, and motivated to get things done. I haven't been home in a long time. Every day becomes a drudge of walking around, monotonously repeating everything you've said a million times before, not even attempting to add inflection, with your hands hanging at your sides as you walk through another hum drum day feeling mediocre, being mediocre. It's the "young adult" phase of life. We're called young adults, because adults are old, and established, but I feel like most of us are "young adults" until we hit our mid to late thirties. It's not about age, it's about being established. The world we live in is so full of broken dreams, lost ideals, and compromises, and because of this, we just don't have anywhere to put our foot down, because if we ever tried, it would surely slip. But if I can hang on to that one moment, that one idea, that one memory of those Autumn days, where the leaves were red, the sky was gray, and the soft pitter patter and petrichor from scented summer passing can get you through that disequilibrium. Maybe you can find peace in the two hours of your twenty four, but meditate, reflect, reminisce, and remember that you are something different. You are not lost in a crowd, but you are part of something great. Be magnificent, do magnificent things, and every day will have a small reward. If you spend your time wisely, the other time that's already spent will be a blessing. Go home, lay down on your carpet, listen to some rainfall, and close your eyes. A moment can feel like a lifetime. This is my philosophy in a tea cup.