The places you have come to fear the most

Sometimes I think that I have to do the right thing more often than what I actually want to do. I'm still pushing some people away, far less people than I used to, but still I push people away. I think I'm doing the right thing. If someone had cut you, cut you really deep, and then wanted you to trust them again, how should you react? None the less when it seems the reason they want you back in their lives is out of guilt. I don't want to be that person. I want people to be amiable toward me because they feel the courage and determination to let someone into their lives, not because they feel bad for ignoring me all this time. I want purity in my life, something untainted and noble. It's so hard to find these days, but if I do find it I want to hold on to it forever. The places I used to hide have become the places I try to avoid. Sometimes we need to work through things though, and as strange as it is we sometimes need proof. Proof that someone is willing to work for you, someone is willing to prove that there are no ulterior motives. I've always hated having to prove things, but in human nature it is well known that if you've broken someone's trust you should try hard to get it back. I've been trying these past couple months to gain back trusts I have lost, and I will tell you it isn't easy. But day in and day out I want to prove that I can be a better person, be more than me. Maybe I'll never be perfect, I know I'm not now, but I believe that sometimes the desire is the greatest step to becoming. Maybe I've made life hard on myself, but I know that nothing easy is really worth having. I hope to become a trustworthy, honest, respectable, and noble person. It may take me a while, but I'm trying. I always love analogies and I recently thought of one that goes something like "Sometimes getting the short straw means that you're lucky you didn't get the straw that broke the camel's back. Never give up on your aspirations and always look to the future for what your potential truly is. This is my last blog for the month. I leave in a little less than three weeks, but I hope to return to my blog when I get back. Many thanks for reading this month, an awful lot has happened. And this is my striving philosophy in a tea cup