These words I dedicate

They say that misery loves company. Then why do I want to be completely alone and talk to no one? There's been something off this entire week, something just wasn't right, and then I get the news that a very close friend of mine has passed away. He shouldn't have died. I've said this so many times and it's still true. Because someone was somewhere they shouldn't have been my friend is now dead. I won't be able to crack jokes, laugh, discuss, get into trouble, or hang out with him again. People keep telling me all these things that are supposed to cheer me up, supposed to make me feel better. I've used them several times myself. "He's in a better place" "This is how it was meant to be" "God has a purpose." Maybe it's true, but this changes nothing. My friend is dead because someone was running from the cops and hit him while he was driving home. This kid had ambition, he was just about to get a mission call, he had a girl that loved and supported him. And now, like a flicker in a flame, he's gone, leaving a little more darkness in our days. I spent the whole day today thinking about it, thinking that there was something I could have done. If only I had invited him over to hang out, maybe he wouldn't have been on that street, if only I had stalled him by one minute by calling and asking what he was doing. All of these "if only's" played in my head over and over. It did me no good, but it made me think about all the good times we had. I wonder if I'm too dramatic about all of this, if I'm thinking too much and that I should just let everything go. Then again I've always been like this. But this wasn't right. Life is too short to leave to chance, we need to take the time we have with our loved ones and make them memories that will never change. Don't taint the good things you have, don't ruin friendships because of quarrels or relationships. Breath a little deeper, taste a little longer, and take that second chance to catch every moment that would in other light pass you by. He's gone, there's nothing I can do, no bargaining, no restitution, and nothing to compensate for the emptiness that has been left in all our hearts. We all die, we've always known it. No one knows when or how, but it will happen. It was people like Derek that left a mark, something to remind us that we can be a better person, that life can be lead in a way that we will leave this world and our final thought will be "Did I become the best version of me?" The fact that hit me hard was that Derek was going to have a beautiful life. A great family, friends, happiness, and blessings were all in store for him. I suppose you could say that he's reaping what he has sewn in heaven, but that just isn't good enough for me. I'll never be satisfied and this is something that will irk me for quite some time. But I know that Dereks happy, I know that he is now far ahead of me in knowledge, wisdom, maturity, and over all virtue. I will never meet a kid like Derek again, but then again, I think that's what he wanted.