An uncalmed breeze

How ridiculous. This is just another reflection of my life through nature. Beautiful spring day, sunny walks and cool breezes, SHATTERED by the return of my arch nemesis snow. I feel like punching mother nature in the face. But that seems to be a recurring theme in my life that I reflect on. Things are sunny and wonderful one second, and freezing and damp the next. They say that you should learn to dance in the rain, but I think the beauty of this life is that we have a choice. Why would you ever settle for something when you know you can have something better? I think living within your means is extremely important, but I also believe that decisions are what make us human, the God given right to choose. So why would I try and find the value of snow when I can stay inside, be warm, and dream of nice summers gone by? I think just like nature, I have seasons. Seasons where I want to be nothing but a good person, seasons where I want nothing but love, seasons where I want nothing at all, and seasons where I feel pure evil. I think I'm in an evil season right now. I encourage people to do things that probably aren't the best ideas, I find myself disgustingly lustful, and the worst part about it is that I'm almost happy about it. It's a sad fact, but I'm dealing with it. If I were to see a psychologist, I would probably be diagnosed with schizophrenia, just because I KNOW what I should do, but I don't always do it, I'm horrified by my evil side, and yet I love it so much. World beware, I'm feeling dangerous. But on the other hand, just like the inconvenient snow today, there are times in my seasons where there are weather changes that don't belong. Sometimes when I'm feeling like a good person, I want to do something evil, sometimes when I'm feeling evil I'll want to do something good. Sometimes when I'm in a social mood I will just want to be left alone, and sometimes when I feel all alone I'll want someone to be there to tell me that I'm not crazy. I shout a warning, and only the silence can hear it. I feel so heavy these days, like so many burdens I've placed on myself are starting to catch up with me, like the past I thought I had left behind is catching up with me at an alarming speed. What memories I though I had forgot, in time they curse, and all was naught. If I could waste a wish right now, it would be that my soul could leave my body, I could float freely and have nothing tying me down, go where I want to go, be where I want to be, and if I wanted, I could do nothing but sit and think. No one holding an opinion of me, no one thinking I am or am not something, no one finding me attractive, no one finding me atrocious, I would simply be. And this is my separated philosophy in a tea cup.