Conrad's Philosophy in a Tea Cup: You never knew

Sunday, March 29, 2009

You never knew

I sit here today, in all of my glory, scared to death with nothing to do. I stand here to let you all know that I've never been so scared in my entire life. My entire existence right now hangs in the balance. The events of these next few weeks will determine my entire life and there's nothing I can do. The pieces have been set into motion and I have made my choices and now I wait in terror for the events to unfold. What can I do? I say a prayer now, because that is all I can do. Pray, pray that I make it through this the better, pray that I am able to take the path that I wanted, pray that I never ruin my life again. When did things become so important? When did the decisions I make suddenly cause my whole world to change? The executioner hangs over my head and whispers in my ear "It's time to grow up." So here I stand with a noose around my neck and everything is left to the judges and my life has become another trinket of unimportance to the fates. For once in my life I have no certainty in the things to come. But it seems that I've jumped off a cliff and cut my own rope. Now here I am, making a pact with the universe, here I am telling the void that I didn't want this, and that I am trying to bargain with destiny. I will not make the same mistake twice. I will persevere, I will become what I should have been, and now I will whisper back to the executioner "I have, and I'm ready to walk away. I pray we never meet in these circumstances again." Perhaps he will laugh and the noose will loose. Or perhaps he will laugh and the floor will drop. Whatever happens, I will always look back on these days and remember that these were the days that I suffered hell, that the hangman's breath was near, that the smell from his breath was of tears, of mourning, of death, and it will forever hang in my mind like the clouds before a certain storm. Forever I will feel the torture of my soul close at hand, and pray that the angel of darkness never draws near again. And this is my poisoned philosophy in a tea cup. Heaven help me

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About Tea:

I love tea, I really do. Sadly I don't drink black or green tea, but I still love tea. There's something so natural about it, just the water, fruits, and herbs that come together to make a cup of something amazing. It has a way of calming the stresse, leaving away the worries, and warming up the heart. Tea is more than a beverage, it's an enlivening culture. Those who aren't fans of tea, I suggest trying different variations until you do like it. Breathe deep before you drink it, and let it fill your mind.

About Me:

I've spent a lot of time moving around getting to know all types of people. I've been to France, Canada, Hungary, and of course all around the United States. I hope to travel more in the not too distant future, but that seems like something that will have to wait a bit.

I say what's on my mind in these blogs because it gives me a feeling of escape.The idea of being able to express yourself into organized thoughts has always been a comfort for me, much as tea has played the same role in my life. I love all things that deal with relaxing, letting loose, and being natural. Often times I contradict myself, but I feel that adds a sense of "Two sides to every tea leaf" feel. Life is about expression, and I hope that people can feel more free to express themselves in an ever growing unpermissive world.