The greatest cure is one's self

Oh how things can changed and yet somehow remain the same. With people pouring out their emotions, plans, expectations, and relationships, I feel like I get to hear everything going on in everyone's life without even needing to ask. It could just be my cynical nature from growing up in a home where you're never really safe, but I just don't trust anyone anymore and the saddest part about that is I'm usually right. I just don't trust people anymore because it seems as though everyone has something to gain off of me, like securities are treasures I can't afford. Someone I once madly loved continually told me that I have too many insecurities, but it's hard not to when all your dreams have been criticized, when all your ambitions were seen as silly dreams, and all your emotions become weaknesses unappreciated. I just don't trust people. It's not that I don't want to trust people, but I do it so sparingly that when I actually let myself go I ALWAYS end up getting hurt. Some may say that this is an over exaggeration, but I know when I'm over exaggerating and this is not one of those moments. I believe that we all want some kind of safety, some kind of assurance that some things will stay, to protect you, to make you feel safe. Like a warm embrace on a cold winter evening, like a packed lunch on your way to school, like a bright smile coming from someone you love, you just need something to know that everything will end alright. I think that my one Christmas wish this year is to have that comfort, the comfort that I should've had for years, the comfort that comes with consistency, not spur of the moment self gratitude that so often gets shared. I'm having a hard time deciding if it's even worth being comforted for a short period of time if the only result always leaves you alone and neglected. I think this is why you date, why you get married, and why you grow old together, because there comes a time when you need someone you can count on, someone that's there for you, whether you're fat, bald, wrinkly, or perfectly beautiful, a constant. And to go along with that, perhaps that's the reason for divorce, for breaking up, because people don't feel safe anymore, and although those words don't come to mind, something inside of you is telling you that you've lost something extremely important. Can you feel safe with the person you're with? My toes are frozen and there's nothing I'd like more on this earth than to have someone to cuddle, drink hot cocoa, watch a movie, and fall asleep with. Maybe in that beautiful future that someone else has planned out for me... Until then, this is my comfort philosophy in a tea cup