Making it

I've never had to trade one thing in my life for another. I guess I'm lucky that way, but it has come to a time where I may have to make that decision. Here are the thoughts running through my head. First of all, will it be worth it? I think that's a question we all ask ourselves when doing anything, but thinking about it more on the long term forever spectrum it's a little different. What if this means changing everything about yourself? What if it becomes a choice between who you are and who you should be? I struggle with myself daily on whether or not I'm a bad person or a good person that does bad things. It's a well known fact that no one should change who they are for someone else, but what if you are a bad person and they're the one thing that might make you good? The problem with this is obvious, what happens when the one you changed for is gone? The only thing you can truly rely on is yourself. Not in the depressing sad, lonely, way, but the constant, happy, friendly way. Trust yourself and the whole world will open up to you. Usually I write these blogs because by the time I'm done the answer comes to me and simply organizing my thoughts helps everything become clear, but it isn't clear. Not a single thought of wisdom is coming to my little head. I can only do what I've always done because it seems to work so far. I've got a lot of growing up to do. There are so many things I need to learn how to do. The oddest thing about me is that I know what is right, but not quite sure how to go about it. It's like knowing how to build a house, but you've built it in the middle of a river. You know very well how to make it, but it's foundation is extremely uneasy. And so my life is, knowing what to do, but not the right way to go about it. Perhaps it is only at this time, a fleeting moment in eternity, I'll see how I feel tomorrow and hopefully things will have improved. It's hard finding paradise but only seeing pictures from that point on. I've known so much before, but my banks have run dry and nothing seems to come to mind, quite literally. Until later, I wish the best of luck to everyone. And this is my adaptation philosophy in a tea cup