It all ends up the same

It's so ridiculous. Everything has ended the same. What makes you think that I'll be put on hold for you? It's so utterly idiotic! What really makes people think that I'm willing to just wait for someone to get their act together? I'm not someone's tool of convenience. I'm a forgiving person, but if you want my respect after betraying my trust you'd better have a really good reason for it. I've been attacked so brutally through these last few months that I probably won't recover. What makes anyone think that they can play this game with someone? Oh look! I've lost interest in you so I'm going to drive you away so that I can be with someone else. What a sick joke. Sometimes I would really just like to destroy something. Is it really that hard to be different? You've all ended up the same. It all comes up like a breath and down like the rain. I think I'm done. I've realized that nothing has changed. I found one of my old journal entries and I realized I'm right where I started. How pathetic. I think that it doesn't matter where you're from but where you are. I used to believe that I could find someone different if they weren't from Utah. I guess they were right. When in Rome. I haven't been given a single reason to trust anyone anymore. I suppose this could all be a good thing. Wanting is the first step that will always leave you where you don't want to be. I could be happy. Keep up, life is only so long and people are only so real. What's the difference between someone you'll never see and seeing people that aren't there? Life is one trick of the mind leading to another. What if everything you do is controlled? There's no point in complaining because there's nothing to do about it. I'm stuck where I am, living in some sad excuse for a life. I'm now simply a sad broken man with only the capability to wake up, eat, and sleep again. This is not the life I wanted to be a part of. I need something to keep me distracted. If I don't have time to realize just how much my life sucks the distraction simply makes life easier. Lover, you shouldn't have come. I am not someone's convenience. Stop wasting my time. Why are you surprised to leave me alone and then expect me to be there when you come back? Don't take me for an idiot. Take responsibility for your actions and live up to your own consequences. You've ruined what's left of me, broken and shattered I crawl to find my lost pieces. You've lost me. And this is my broken philosophy in a tea cup.