My mind needs a rest

What really defines us? Is it our thoughts? Is it our actions? Or is it possibly our thoughts during our actions? I feel like I've betrayed the world, like I'm just one huge disappointment waiting to happen. A man helping a woman carry her things simply because he wants her to owe him is wrong, right? The right things for the wrong reasons, the wrong thing for the right reasons, doing something wrong with whole hearted regret, or doing something right with only pride because of your own assumed superiority. Perhaps the Heroes fall the farthest, and the villains don't know any better. There are some things in my life that I feel no one will ever understand, almost like Van Gogh taken to the absence of light, the kelvin cold, and the pain of a thousand years of torture. No man on this earth can understand me. I'm ok with that, I've grown accustomed to it, but it still gives pause. Why can't I talk to someone? I suppose this is the purpose of these blogs. The self reaffirmation that I'm still alive, still coherent enough to know that insanity won't get me where I need to be and when all the doors and windows have closed this is my only vent. Subject to change. We signed an agreement when we were born. All things are subject to change. A pending sign hung just above our heads every minute of every day. You will always be left waiting for tomorrow. Death and Taxes. A penny saved is a penny just waiting to be handed off to someone else's pocket. We are the genuises that never had a clue, amused by our own brilliance. She's so perfect, he's so great, but what they do when the lights are dimmed and what the scarlet thoughts of yesteryear can penetrate only leave us scarred by the inconvieved notions of how it should have ended. Trapped in our shiny, perfectly white china just waiting to be devoured, catch every drop, with the saucer to make sure we won't stain anyone else. Stir and stir until we've fit the criteria for perfection, not too hot, not too cold. Sweetening us up, dabble in the milk to make it all a little easier to swallow. We couldn't make each other understand. Maybe we are all just... My Philosophy In A Tea Cup