Conrad's Philosophy in a Tea Cup: Too many "IF"s

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Too many "IF"s

At times I wish I could be more like my siblings. Natasha is so sure of what she wants and won't let her emotions get in the way. Alex is so determined and driven and willing to do what it takes to get what he wants. Nina is so outspoken even for a girl her age, and always willing to let people know what's on her mind. Amy just wants everyone to get along and despite her challenges she knows she has, wants to do her best. Ben has this attitude where everyone else is stupid, he has a complicated way with women where he can make any of them fall for him but be in no way attached. I'm just Conrad. That's me, I'm scared, I'm lazy, I'm weak, I'm low, and I'm confused. You could say that I'm the miserable one. But I think the reason I've been so miserable lately is because I have HAD wonderful. I've seen what my life can be like and at times things get so rough I almost start to believe that those good times were just a figment of my imagination, something that may have never happened but would have been great if they had. I wonder what I would've done differently. I had people that were there for me, I had people that cared about me, but I guess I just do better when people aren't around to see me. After every time I've broken up with someone important it has snowed. I guess that means I should stop getting involved during the winter huh? Haha, well I suppose it's just my luck. I don't have control over other people so that's just how the world turns. I have this habit of losing people that are close to me. Maybe growing up with only my family to talk to has made me into a person that only my family understands, which I use the term "understand" very loosely. Maybe I'm a workaholic and I don't know it yet because I haven't been working long enough. Maybe I'm one of those people that makes millions of dollars while pushing everyone else away. Maybe I'm thinking too hard. Maybe I don't think enough. Maybe this is just some sick kind of dream I've been stuck in. Maybe I won't live to see the end of it. Maybe this is my philosophy in a tea cup.

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About Tea:

I love tea, I really do. Sadly I don't drink black or green tea, but I still love tea. There's something so natural about it, just the water, fruits, and herbs that come together to make a cup of something amazing. It has a way of calming the stresse, leaving away the worries, and warming up the heart. Tea is more than a beverage, it's an enlivening culture. Those who aren't fans of tea, I suggest trying different variations until you do like it. Breathe deep before you drink it, and let it fill your mind.

About Me:

I've spent a lot of time moving around getting to know all types of people. I've been to France, Canada, Hungary, and of course all around the United States. I hope to travel more in the not too distant future, but that seems like something that will have to wait a bit.

I say what's on my mind in these blogs because it gives me a feeling of escape.The idea of being able to express yourself into organized thoughts has always been a comfort for me, much as tea has played the same role in my life. I love all things that deal with relaxing, letting loose, and being natural. Often times I contradict myself, but I feel that adds a sense of "Two sides to every tea leaf" feel. Life is about expression, and I hope that people can feel more free to express themselves in an ever growing unpermissive world.